Monday, May 3, 2010

Overnight miracle?!

I woke up this morning feeling well rested, and what should I see as I stepped on the scales, but 311.8 lbs !!!!!!

That's 8.2 lbs down from my highest ever weight! WEEEEEEEEEE! Some crazy weight loss fairy clearly visited me last night.

Yesterday my parents went home, so in the morning we went out for brunch. I had "Eggs Benedict". It was deeeeeelicious. Normally I order a side of toast. Yesterday I didn't. I felt quite smug about it. Breakfast was at about 11am. Then I had a very small slice of frozen raspberry cheesecake at around 2pm. Finally, I had 2 pieces of ham and mushroom pizza. It was a relatively naughty day, but I knew it was naughty and tried to moderate HOW much of the naughties I ate...

This morning I have drunk a PINT of water already. I feel like some zen goddess. Now I need to be careful all day, and continue that feeling through the week...

I'm excited at the prospect of getting slim and healthy. I'm excited at the prospect of doing it with you!

Me xx

Sunday, May 2, 2010


Okay, I'm clearly alive. There was no tornado. False alarm!

BUT... guess what?

I've lost weight!!!!!! I know! What are the chances?! I've taken a few walks, done some gardening, and been a little more active. I haven't changed my eating much, but I feel inspired!!! If I change my eating, I could lose EVEN MORE WEIGHT! Shocker!!!!! Whodathunkit?!

As of this morning, 5/2/2010, at 9:30am... I weigh...

314.2 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK GOODNESS!

That 320 lbs weigh in scared the living daylights out of me...

So this week I need to think about things more. Think about what I'm putting in my mouth. Think about getting out instead of staying in. This summery weather is SUPER useful!

I'm also going to take a photo of myself in my undies. Gross right? Well, don't worry, it's not for public consumption! It's just so I can see for myself how I'm doing on my weight loss journey. It's a journey that I've taken a few wrong turns on, but now I own a GPS... so I can't go wrong... right?!


Me xx

Friday, April 30, 2010

It's been ten days...

...since my last blog.

I haven't been particularly good, but then I haven't been particularly bad. I've eaten mostly at home, but haven't paid much attention to what food I'm putting in my mouth.

Until my parents have gone home, I'm remaining in "non-diet" mode. I don't know why, but I HATE people knowing I'm dieting. I feel like they judge me. But then, I am fairly sure people judge me for eating.

I know I judge other fat people for eating...


So I'm waiting. I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. But it's convenient to wait. My 'rents are still here and I have a couple of weeks of exams ahead... I'll start dieting soon, I promise.

Is there a free rent-a-Jillian? You know, Jillian Michaels from Biggest Loser. I need someone to come and kick my rear-end in to gear. She wouldn't take my bullcrap. She'd make me exercise...

Uh oh... tornado warning... off to the basement. Will update you when I get out of there...

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


I may have inadvertently baked a rather giant and incredibly delicious chocolate cake...

Uh oh...

Monday, April 19, 2010

Oh sweet, sweet swear words.

I feel very restrained right now. I haven't uttered a swear word for at least 30 seconds! Brilliant! I'm on a roll.

I'm thinking swear words though, and lots of them...

My parents are here, visiting from the motherland. I've been having a fantastic time. We've been hiking, home-improvementing, exploring, etc. We've been having home-cooked food, and the odd treat. It's been lovely!

Until this morning.

When I weighed myself.

!#$&*(^*&#* %^((($&%^(^&* *&&*&#^^#@^ ^!((@ !*&^&^*%()^&^&^&%*%$$$

Really? Whose frickin' joke was THAT number on the scale? What is this? Candid Camera? Where are you, you giant kidding beasts of hilarity that call yourselves cameramen?



So this is really it?

I actually weigh 320 lbs?

Well flip. Or some other much stronger swear word.

I'm thinking weight watchers. I'm thinking structure. I'm thinking I know I gained weight on WW before, but maybe it's "3rd time's the charm"...

I'm fat.

Love, me xx

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

New Leaf?

I knew when I started this blog that it would be tough to lose weight. I hoped that writing a blog would provide me with some accountability. I know it still does, I just need to get back to it.

This past weekend, I tried out for The Biggest Loser TV show, in Nashville, TN. It was a great experience and I met lots of fabulous people. In short, it was inspiring.

Hearing other people's weight-gain stories, meeting previous Biggest Loser contestants and seeing how wonderful they looked, and just being around people in the same (sinking) boat as me was really eye opening. I have my own reasons for gaining weight. Bullied as a teenager for being underweight; My own insecurities; My father's family history of obesity; My penchant for naughty foods; My lack of motivation to exercise.

I haven't really had any tragedies that I've come through. I haven't been abused. I haven't been married to a raging alcoholic. I haven't had my family die unexpectedly. I'm a fortunate person. One of the lucky ones. I've faced adversity, and it's been okay.

Some of the people that I met had been through these harrowing experiences and were ready to start living again, losing weight for themselves. What the HELL excuse do I have not to?! I'm insane if I think it's okay just to plod along at this weight. A weight where I get out of breath THROWING my dog a ball. Where my back aches if I walk further than a mile. Where I can HEAR my knees cracking as I walk down the stairs... It's disgraceful.

So, ladies and gentlemen of blog land, I'm back on the treadmill of weight loss. It's going to be slow. It's going to be hard. But I promised myself I'm worth it, and I am going to DO IT!

I'm 316 lbs now... That's bad.

Fatty x

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Dress shopping


Well, it's been 4 days since I last blogged, and I am pleased to report that I have drop just over a pound! Woo! This morning I weighed 306.0 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOO!!!!!! So that's 1.6 lbs lost since my last weigh in, and 8lbs lost overall!


Oh, it feels good to write it sooo big! Haha!

I never realised how much *real* encouragement could mean to me, until this week. Don't get me wrong, people have been "supportive" of my weight loss in the past, but it's always been very superficial. Many people just don't know what a journey weight loss is. The feeling that you're bigger than you should be. The acknowledgment that, actually, this is your fault. The relization that you can fix it. The eventual understanding that, as easy as it was to gain, the weight's going to be a b*tch to get off. And the final step -- losing weight. When people who haven't gone through that are supportive, it's nice. It makes you feel warm and fuzzy. When someone who has been through it, and understands every single part of the "system" offers you support and help, it's more than "nice". It's inspiring. This week my close friend took the time to send me recipes and, what I call, a "plan of understanding" to help me get to my destination. She knows what it's like to lose weight, and her help is wonderful to me. I don't think that people always realize the impact they can have on someone else's life...

When I look back at pictures of me when I was younger, I see a person that I'm unfamiliar with. I see an underweight girl. A girl who's body was late to develop as a result. A girl who thought she was fat. Later, as I started to develop a more healthy weight for a woman of my height (5'11) I see photos of a well proportioned, pretty girl. A girl who thought she was huge. Even photos from a few years ago, when people felt that they had the right to tell me how I 'needed to lose weight', I look at now and see a girl who is, at most, a little chubby for her height. It makes me wonder why I let people define me so much over the years. And then I remember that people still do define me, and that what people think about me is a huge concern. I need to get over that.

It's one of the reasons that I'm dreading dress shopping today. I have to get a dress for a dance I'm off to, and a dress for my sister's graduation. I want to buy a pretty dress and look lovely in it. I'm going to end up buying a black stretch-polyester number that glides over the lumps and bumps I want to hide. I'm dreading it. But I'm hopeful that I'll look acceptable. I'll let you know how it goes.

Me xx

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Sunday morning.

Morning everyone!

I woke up pretty late this morning, and am not feeling too hot. Full of a cold which sucks. It's making me very thoughtful about what to have for breakfast. Porridge or shredded wheat? Hmmm...

This afternoon we are off to a friend's house to watch the football and we have to take a dish to share. I normally handmake something, but that's DANGEROUS! I make super delicious triple fudge chocolate cake, and cherry bakewells, and all sorts of naughty goodies. Today I'm thinking about taking some of the naughty food that already exists in my house. Novel idea. Normally I'd just eat it by myself over the space of a couple of days. That can't be good! It feels so odd to take premade stuff with me, but I think that finding my "discomfort zone" and learning how to feel okay in it is a part of this journey.

I'm also thinking about how to attack exercise. I have a friend who would like to exercise with me at a gym. That would be awesome! My only fear is, of course, what people will think when they see a heffalump sweating over a machine... it's going to be ugly! I'd like to find a gym that is quite quiet, and not too expensive. I don't know how realistic that is, but I'll give it a shot! I'll let you know how I go!

I think I've opted for shredded wheat... x

Friday, January 8, 2010

Oh expletives...

Well, clearly I have failed. It is now January 8th, 2010. I have not dieted since my last blog, back in September...

Nothing like a new year to give you a new opportunity to try again, right?!

So here I am! Standing tall at a whopping 307.6... Booooo! At least it's still several pounds from where I started!!! So, let's put it in big pretty letters and make me feel better about myself!!! Haha! It's the little things!!!!

6.4 lbs down!!!!!

I'm going to ignore the fact that this is actually weight gained since my last blog, because I should still be proud of the fact that I'm not as big as I was. And you know, for people our size, it's important to celebrate every step in the right direction. I need to remember that. I know that on this weight loss journey there will be weeks when I work hard yet lose nothing. There will be weeks when I feel that I haven't done as much as I could and yet I'll still lose. There will be weeks when I don't want to diet any more. At those times I need to come back to this blog and celebrate.

Why do I keep kidding myself? Why do I keep thinking it's going to be an easy ride? IT'S NOT! But I'm going to do it! Keep following me, friends! We can do this!

Me xx