Thursday, January 14, 2010

Dress shopping


Well, it's been 4 days since I last blogged, and I am pleased to report that I have drop just over a pound! Woo! This morning I weighed 306.0 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOO!!!!!! So that's 1.6 lbs lost since my last weigh in, and 8lbs lost overall!


Oh, it feels good to write it sooo big! Haha!

I never realised how much *real* encouragement could mean to me, until this week. Don't get me wrong, people have been "supportive" of my weight loss in the past, but it's always been very superficial. Many people just don't know what a journey weight loss is. The feeling that you're bigger than you should be. The acknowledgment that, actually, this is your fault. The relization that you can fix it. The eventual understanding that, as easy as it was to gain, the weight's going to be a b*tch to get off. And the final step -- losing weight. When people who haven't gone through that are supportive, it's nice. It makes you feel warm and fuzzy. When someone who has been through it, and understands every single part of the "system" offers you support and help, it's more than "nice". It's inspiring. This week my close friend took the time to send me recipes and, what I call, a "plan of understanding" to help me get to my destination. She knows what it's like to lose weight, and her help is wonderful to me. I don't think that people always realize the impact they can have on someone else's life...

When I look back at pictures of me when I was younger, I see a person that I'm unfamiliar with. I see an underweight girl. A girl who's body was late to develop as a result. A girl who thought she was fat. Later, as I started to develop a more healthy weight for a woman of my height (5'11) I see photos of a well proportioned, pretty girl. A girl who thought she was huge. Even photos from a few years ago, when people felt that they had the right to tell me how I 'needed to lose weight', I look at now and see a girl who is, at most, a little chubby for her height. It makes me wonder why I let people define me so much over the years. And then I remember that people still do define me, and that what people think about me is a huge concern. I need to get over that.

It's one of the reasons that I'm dreading dress shopping today. I have to get a dress for a dance I'm off to, and a dress for my sister's graduation. I want to buy a pretty dress and look lovely in it. I'm going to end up buying a black stretch-polyester number that glides over the lumps and bumps I want to hide. I'm dreading it. But I'm hopeful that I'll look acceptable. I'll let you know how it goes.

Me xx

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Sunday morning.

Morning everyone!

I woke up pretty late this morning, and am not feeling too hot. Full of a cold which sucks. It's making me very thoughtful about what to have for breakfast. Porridge or shredded wheat? Hmmm...

This afternoon we are off to a friend's house to watch the football and we have to take a dish to share. I normally handmake something, but that's DANGEROUS! I make super delicious triple fudge chocolate cake, and cherry bakewells, and all sorts of naughty goodies. Today I'm thinking about taking some of the naughty food that already exists in my house. Novel idea. Normally I'd just eat it by myself over the space of a couple of days. That can't be good! It feels so odd to take premade stuff with me, but I think that finding my "discomfort zone" and learning how to feel okay in it is a part of this journey.

I'm also thinking about how to attack exercise. I have a friend who would like to exercise with me at a gym. That would be awesome! My only fear is, of course, what people will think when they see a heffalump sweating over a machine... it's going to be ugly! I'd like to find a gym that is quite quiet, and not too expensive. I don't know how realistic that is, but I'll give it a shot! I'll let you know how I go!

I think I've opted for shredded wheat... x

Friday, January 8, 2010

Oh expletives...

Well, clearly I have failed. It is now January 8th, 2010. I have not dieted since my last blog, back in September...

Nothing like a new year to give you a new opportunity to try again, right?!

So here I am! Standing tall at a whopping 307.6... Booooo! At least it's still several pounds from where I started!!! So, let's put it in big pretty letters and make me feel better about myself!!! Haha! It's the little things!!!!

6.4 lbs down!!!!!

I'm going to ignore the fact that this is actually weight gained since my last blog, because I should still be proud of the fact that I'm not as big as I was. And you know, for people our size, it's important to celebrate every step in the right direction. I need to remember that. I know that on this weight loss journey there will be weeks when I work hard yet lose nothing. There will be weeks when I feel that I haven't done as much as I could and yet I'll still lose. There will be weeks when I don't want to diet any more. At those times I need to come back to this blog and celebrate.

Why do I keep kidding myself? Why do I keep thinking it's going to be an easy ride? IT'S NOT! But I'm going to do it! Keep following me, friends! We can do this!

Me xx