Thursday, January 14, 2010

Dress shopping


Well, it's been 4 days since I last blogged, and I am pleased to report that I have drop just over a pound! Woo! This morning I weighed 306.0 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOO!!!!!! So that's 1.6 lbs lost since my last weigh in, and 8lbs lost overall!


Oh, it feels good to write it sooo big! Haha!

I never realised how much *real* encouragement could mean to me, until this week. Don't get me wrong, people have been "supportive" of my weight loss in the past, but it's always been very superficial. Many people just don't know what a journey weight loss is. The feeling that you're bigger than you should be. The acknowledgment that, actually, this is your fault. The relization that you can fix it. The eventual understanding that, as easy as it was to gain, the weight's going to be a b*tch to get off. And the final step -- losing weight. When people who haven't gone through that are supportive, it's nice. It makes you feel warm and fuzzy. When someone who has been through it, and understands every single part of the "system" offers you support and help, it's more than "nice". It's inspiring. This week my close friend took the time to send me recipes and, what I call, a "plan of understanding" to help me get to my destination. She knows what it's like to lose weight, and her help is wonderful to me. I don't think that people always realize the impact they can have on someone else's life...

When I look back at pictures of me when I was younger, I see a person that I'm unfamiliar with. I see an underweight girl. A girl who's body was late to develop as a result. A girl who thought she was fat. Later, as I started to develop a more healthy weight for a woman of my height (5'11) I see photos of a well proportioned, pretty girl. A girl who thought she was huge. Even photos from a few years ago, when people felt that they had the right to tell me how I 'needed to lose weight', I look at now and see a girl who is, at most, a little chubby for her height. It makes me wonder why I let people define me so much over the years. And then I remember that people still do define me, and that what people think about me is a huge concern. I need to get over that.

It's one of the reasons that I'm dreading dress shopping today. I have to get a dress for a dance I'm off to, and a dress for my sister's graduation. I want to buy a pretty dress and look lovely in it. I'm going to end up buying a black stretch-polyester number that glides over the lumps and bumps I want to hide. I'm dreading it. But I'm hopeful that I'll look acceptable. I'll let you know how it goes.

Me xx

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